Marriage is a tedious and a tiring process. You can never be fully prepared for it. However, said that it is also one of the most joyous moments in our lives. I remember, the happiness I felt sitting beside my husband-to-be during ‘swayambar’ with all the spotlights on me; it was my day (it was OUR day actually). It felt amazing. As a Newar, we had series of events lined up from ‘Supari’ , ‘Janta’, ‘Swayambar’, ‘Bhoj’ to ‘Samdhi Bhet’, and titbits in between. Marriage was hectic and there were certain things no one really told me the that I should have known as a new wife-to-be.
Here are few things, a raw list of what I experienced after marriage and what I believe that every newlywed should know.
- It is ok to not CRY: If you don’t feel like crying while you are bidding goodbye to your family, THAT’S OK! It is not like, you are never going to meet them again. And it definitely does not mean you are not emotional or sensitive or that you love your parents less. Brides might be crying because they are very sad about leaving their family. But sometimes brides may refrain from crying because they are too anxious about how their new home environment will be (which was my case). Some might just be happy to have finally tied the knot with her loved one and doesn’t feel like crying. Whatever reasons you may have, it is ok if you don’t feel like crying.
- You are like ‘Touch-me-not’: Few months after marriage are the critically sensitive periods in a girls life. Because they are now completely out of the comfortable cushion and face sudden change in social expectation, even the pettiest thing might be extremely hurtful for them. For example: If your mother-in-law asks you to clean a room, you are highly likely to feel sad or hurt (as if you are being ordered). In many instances, we will often directly compare situations with our own parents and we are prone to derive hasty conclusions, which could be wrong. It’s not like your mum has never asked you to clean up a mess, did you feel bad then? Try not
to take an outsiders perspective, it will help in easing up the adjustment process. 🙂
- So is your new family: Just like you are hypersensitive, your in-laws are too. I
remember crying in front of my in-laws few days after marriage because I was missing my family, my father-in-law was hurt. Maybe me crying made him feel sad that he was not being able to make me feel at home, which was not true. The fact is both parties are very sensitive right after marriage, both trying to compromise their comfort zones. So again, give it some time. :
- It is ok if you do not know how to cook: As much as I would want this point to be invalid, I just can’t take it off the list. It is sad but it is true. The biggest fear I think any bride-to-be has is about household skills, I agree I had it too. But with time I realized, it is ok if you don’t know how to cook. It is not rocket science, and these skills are easy to acquire. If you are lucky enough to have a husband who love cooking, you are better off than ever.
- Google UTI: All girls should know what is UTI and why your chances of contracting that infection are high. I learned it the hard way!
- Don’t set false expectation: Stay true to your family members. If you are job demands overtimes, try to communicate it to them beforehand. Don’t try to make adjustments that you cannot commit to or sustain long term. If you are a late riser compared to your other family members, try to communicate it in a positive way. They will understand, don’t fear. 😛
- And lastly, no matter how awkward your initial days are, you will just be fine. I remember cooking chicken for the first time and completely ruining it, it was embarrassing then but now it’s a thing to laugh about!
These points are based on only my experience and you all may choose to differ. 🙂 But all I seek to share is that marriage gives us the opportunity to build new relationships, why not make that journey as enjoyable as possible.